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It was brought
to my attention that thousands of teenage Asian girls in the
USA and other rich first-world nations are struggling to
find their identity and they need a voice. Let me be that
voice…of reason. Girls, all I have to say is one thing:
“Get over yourselves and join the human race first before
you start worrying about how you are different from everyone
else.” Once you are “somebody”, then you have the right to
be depressed should you find that the world is still
crushing down on you or singling you out because you are
different from a majority. Is that harsh, cruel, or rude?
Maybe, but you notice that I didn’t name names and if you
are offended, it is you who chose to be hurt by my indirect
statement. To me, I find that the biggest losers are those
people who blame everyone else but themselves for their
problems. Trust me when I say that there are people from
every race in every nation in the world who find ways to be
miserable and depressed. It doesn’t matter if you are rich,
poor, black, white, Asian, and all ethnicities in-between.
As I remember it, people like Kurt Cobain can be living the
American Dream, with vast wealth and admiration from
millions yet still feel miserable. Now I’m not just sitting
here bagging on Mr. Cobain, but rather I’m using his example
to illustrate that some people are just miserable no matter
what they accomplish. In relation to this, I read stories
online about Asian girls in American schools who can’t find
an identity, feel alienated, and etc. Is it me, or doesn’t
all schools in every nation of the world have a large
percentage of the student body who feels that way? Am I
selling out my Asian sisters by saying that your race is
just an excuse to classify your depression or feelings of
inadequacy as racially manifested? No, and I’ll explain why
below. Wow Kiana…what big words you speak! The better to
rant on you with…
As most of you
know, I didn’t go to an American school. Where I come from,
we worry more about how we can scrounge up enough money for
lunch before we worry about our social standing in a public
school. We don’t have widespread free lunch programs. Only
in rich nations do you have the luxury (dare I say you are
spoiled?) to find the time and wealth to obsess over your
“identity”. But I do have friends and cousins who did go to
schools in the West. Some loved it while some hated it and
described it as I’ve read and stated above. The reason I
see that some loved it while others hated it is due to one
simple concept: some people are optimists while others are
pessimists. It’s deeply ingrained in their character and
there’s little you can to do change it other than allow them
to grow out of it naturally. The result is that some girls
took the fact that they were Asian and used it to their
advantage. These girls realized that they are naturally
petite and sexy with perfect hair and skin and worked to
maximize their beauty. If they had pimples, they had the
resources to pay a doctor to prescribe them hormonal
treatments to clear it up. Their exotic looks captured the
imagination of guys in the school both Asian and non-Asian
alike. Most girls ended up on dance teams, cheerleading
squads, soccer teams, or whatever else the pretty and
popular girls joined. Because white (and non-white) people
often generalize Asians as the “smartest race”, it was easy
for these girls to run for and win most leadership
positions. Can you believe that some Asian people in the
Western world are offended because many non-Asian people
generalize them as “smart”? Back to my point, how did they
win? They used the fact that they were different to
gain respect. It’s like that here in the Philippines and
I’ve personally witnessed the following two examples. If
someone sees a white person involved in a company, other
executives suddenly want to know how they could be so
accomplished to get a white person to want to work for
them. If a black person comes here and attends a concert
and starts dancing, suddenly all of the Filipinos think the
show must be really entertaining or of quality. The band
will pull the black guys and/or girls onstage to dance with
them. Then the crowd really goes crazy like it’s a big-name
concert and everyone starts bobbing their hands and take
pictures like they are watching an authentic Snoop Dogg
show. Black people who are seen dancing to their hip-hop
sounds gives credibility to their talent as Filipinos who
are “down”. Previously the crowd was basically standing
around uninterested. The black tourists absolutely love it
and I would too if I were them. They appreciate the fact
that they are so much different from everyone else and they
milk it for everything its worth when it’s their moment to
shine. For both of these reasons, black and white
foreigners love the Philippines because Filipinos exploit
their differences in a positive way for the foreigners, even
though technically it’s wrong or unfair to the majority.
The foreigners are optimists like my friends in school who
loved school.
Now let me
talk about the pessimists. These are the miserable kids in
school who are recluse and often lock themselves in their
rooms, wear gothic clothes, and do whatever else it takes to
express their angst. They have the “woe is me” attitude and
never make a concerted effort to attain a goal. If they
finally decide to try and wind up failing, they accept their
failure as absolute. If they hear a FOB joke or a racial
slur, they prefer to accept that “everybody feels that way”
rather than entertain even a remote possibility that most of
their classmates do not share or condone such ignorance.
Most of the white kids are ashamed that someone from their
racial group makes the majority look bad in such a way.
Have you ever heard of self-deprecation? If you play along,
the ignorant bastards will likely gain respect for you for
standing up to them in a “humorous” manner and leave you
alone. If you show them that it hurts you, they will
continue to recycle the same slur over and over…
My favorite
commercial was the one that talked about Michael Jordan and
all of his failures. I managed to collect the poster when
my high school classmate went to Chicago on vacation and
bought it for me. Obviously Michael Jordan is no failure.
Yet he failed all of the time over the course of his
career. In his full life, he has a mountain of mistakes.
But it’s only a mole-hill compared to the Mt. Everest of his
success. To all of the girls out there, Asian and non
alike, I challenge you to choose which mountain you wish to
be taller. Once you have chosen, it’s up to you to go out
there and make it happen. Nothing is, or should be
free in this world. Again, being an Asian girl in a white
world, you need to focus on what you have that white people
envy. For all of you inadequate kids of all races
reading this now, I’ll state my point: Yea, life sucks, but
then you grow up. Then it sucks for different reasons, none
having to do with not “fitting in” at school. The more you
maximize your potential by working hard, the less
life will suck as you grow older. The most interesting part
of all is that the popular kids often become mediocre and
many dorks, geeks, and freaks bloom like wild roses.
Remember girls, just because you don’t fit in now doesn’t
mean you won’t bloom later. I wish you all could have seen
the butch-haired, chubby, pimply faced tom-boy that used to
be me. The four years that is high school is such a short
flash before your eyes. So much more happens in your 20’s.
Also, you should always look around at your non-Asian
friends. I guarantee that all races have their share
of social outcasts and misfits at your school. I know I
used to fit somewhere into the geeks and freaks
classification. Take a look at the rest of your fellow
human beings and learn to see through their eyes before you
decide that all eyes are on you and the world revolves
around your being Asian.
I did a long
time ago, and it was then I realized that the world is mine
for the taking as long as I see it for what it really is.
My failure or success is ultimately up to me. If I do it my
way, I’ll always have my self-respect when I look at myself
in the mirror. If someone does it for me, I’ll never be
100% sure what is in the reflection looking back at me…
January 19th,
2005
Due to
(surprisingly) popular demand: How you can contribute to my
website.
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